• The start of a Christmas tradition

    One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip … but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

  • A surprising child custody decision

    Dallas, TX (AP) – A seven year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree reasonably possible.

    The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

  • Why I’m Depressed

    Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.”

  • Better than a Flu Shot!

    Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

  • Unconventional wisdom

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    Do not argue with an idiot: He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

  • Your house …

    … as seen by you.

  • Wit and wisdom of Bob Hope

    ON TURNING 70

  • Details about Obama’s openly gay military

    WASHINGTON (SR) — Barack Obama, the first openly-gay resident of the United States, has directed the Pentagon to replace the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with one that will allow openly gay men and women to serve in the military.

  • The awful truth about beer

    Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

  • That’s one question too many

    A young Arab asks his father: “What is this weird hat that we are wearing?”

  • Something to offend everyone

    I’d just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas, and a jumbo sausage. A homeless man sitting there said, “I’ve not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish I had your will power.”

    Top tip: If you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it’s so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it’s not necessarily an invitation for casual sex. Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.

  • Venison vs. Beef: The controversy ends

    Source: The U.S. Venison Council

  • A moment of silence …

    “Let’s have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle.”

  • Interesting piece of Arabic history

    During the 7th century, right around 610 A.D., while Europe struggled with the fall of the Roman Empire, Muhammad the goat herder adopted the practice of meditating alone for several weeks every year in a cave on Mount Hira near Mecca. Islamic tradition holds that during one of his visits to Mount Hira, being absent from advancing Arabic society, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine.

    In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

  • 27 reasons you should support illegal immigration

    1. America’s emergency rooms and health care system are not crowded enough.
    2. The U.S. needs more organized, violent gangs. Currently the U.S. has Salvadoran gangs; Vietnamese gangs, Filipino gangs, Armenian gangs, Russian gangs, Chinese gangs; Cambodian gangs; Bulgarian gangs, Dominican gangs, Mexican gangs, Haitian gangs. Continuing unrestricted immigration will increase this “diversity.”
    3. The U.S. carbon footprint is not large enough. Millions more immigrants will swell the population to enlarge the country’s carbon footprint.
    4. U.S. highways are not crowded enough. More traffic is needed.
    5. The percentage of U.S. land that is not yet paved over and developed is far too small.
    6. Prior to the days of unrestricted immigration the U.S. lacked a sufficient “diversity” of serious diseases. Unrestricted and illegal immigration has remedied that situation by reintroducing diseases formerly wiped out in the US and introducing new ones never before seen here: Leprosy, dengue fever, West Nile virus, treatment resistant TB, polio,
    7. The U.S. needs more 9/11 style attacks. The 9/11 mass murderers were able to hide in plain sight among millions of other illegal aliens. In order to help future terrorists we must maintain a massive population of illegals.
    8. There is insufficient racial, ethnic, religious strife in the U.S. Immigration will provide a welcome increase.
    9. The U.S. does not have enough front groups for Hamas, Hezbollah and other Islamic terrorist organizations. Continued unrestricted immigration will enlarge the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) and groups like it to rectify this lack.
    10. The demonstrated propensity of Latin-American illegal aliens to drive while drunk will provide the needed increase in DUI’s and additional deaths of innocent people.
    11. The ACLU favors illegal immigration.
    12. The Sierra Club favors illegal immigration.
    13. Rev. Jeremiah Wright and the church to which he belongs (United Church of Christ) favor illegal immigration.
    14. The Communist Party and other extreme left wing groups support illegal immigration.
    15. Americans who have lived all their lives in the US currently have far too much medical care available to them and their quality of life must be reduced. That reduction can most easily be achieved by legalizing 20 to 30 million illegal aliens so they are eligible for the “free” benefits” of Obama’s scheme. See reason 17
    16. America’s schools are not crowded enough.
    17. Only fifty-five languages are spoken the Los Angeles public school system. The cost and confusion created by this diversity has lowered quality a great deal, but it is possible to do worse.
    18. With millions more poor illegals there will be a greater need for social workers, welfare workers, public school teachers and aides, more school lunch programs, more prisons, more police, more government workers of every kind. This will enlarge the number of voters reliant on the government for paychecks and will swell the membership rolls of the National Education Association, AFSCME, SEIU and other Democrat organizations.
    19. The Democrat Party needs more voters.
    20. The U.S. needs more socialism/Marxism. Adding tens of millions of poor immigrants demanding taxpayer-paid services guarantees the continued descent into loss of individual liberty.
    21. A larger population will make us even more dependent on foreign oil.
    22. There is not enough urban sprawl in the U.S.
    23. The Catholic Church’s membership is increased by unrestricted immigration.
    24. Not enough of Arizona’s citizens have been murdered.
    25. Tyson Foods needs more illegal alien employees.
    26. George Soros, a Nazi collaborator in World War 2 needs more lawbreakers in the U.S. who are beholden to his many open borders front groups.
    27. Illegal alien gangs have not yet murdered enough African-Americans in Southern California. This process of ethnic cleansing is best accomplished by unrestricted immigration.
  • Observation by Larry the Cable Guy

    “Even after the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying with bad jokes that Cajuns aren’t smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats is a damn genius.”

  • To pee or not to pee

    I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes & the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.

    In order to get that paycheck, in my case, I am required to pass a random urine test (with which I have no problem).

  • Deadly disease: Gonorrhea Lectim

    Information about Gonorrhea Lectim

    The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It’s pronounced “Gonna re-elect ‘em,” and it is a terrible obamanation.

  • Marijuana-filled firewood

    “Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”

  • The farmer and the old lady

    A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.