• Elevator humor

    Things to do in an elevator:

  • Grand wizard

    The southern preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the KKK This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”

  • Calendar conversions

    It’s year 5784 according to Jewish calendar.

  • With age comes wisdom

    The older I get, the more I understand why roosters scream to start their day.

  • Facebook popularity

    Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the “cool table” in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.

  • Airplane mode

    The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”

  • Upstairs and downstairs

    You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs ibuprofen” and “downstairs ibuprofen.”

  • The tortoise and the hare

    How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life, when the rabbit is always jumping but only lives for around two years, and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives over 200 years.

  • Click on the motorcycle

    The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.

  • Vegetables

    If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

  • I want mommy

    When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy,” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”

  • Old people

    It’s weird being the same age as old people.

  • Context is everything

    Still trying to get my head around the fact that “take out” can mean food, dating, or murder.

  • Close enough

    Just once, I want a username and password prompt to respond “CLOSE ENOUGH.”

  • Adam and Eve

    If Adam and Eve had been Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

  • Friends with benefits

    You know you are getting old when “friends with benefits” means knowing someone who can drive at night.

  • Exercising by remote

    Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

  • New voice for Alexa and Siri

    For those of you who don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversations, they are making a male version. It doesn’t listen to anything.

  • A gift from mom and dad

    I just got a present labeled, “From Mom and Dad,” and I know darn well that Dad has no idea what’s inside.

  • Nothing rhymes with orange

    A guy at work said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”