• Sounded like fun

    I watched a show for about 10 minutes because this lady was listing all of these fun activities.

  • Husbands are best for secrets

    Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone because they ain’t even listening.

  • Getting customer assistance

    You’d be surprised how quickly employees at Lowe’s assist you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try and and start a chainsaw.

  • Strange way to start a conversation

    My wife just stopped and said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?”

  • Crossfit diet

    Me: “I’m still tired from all the crossfit this morning.”

  • Special High-Intensity Training

    To assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

  • Horse tips

    Tying your horse’s reins to a post does no good if you then remove the bridle.

  • Memory clinic

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first Man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

  • Biden Bingo

    Can be used when watching any speech by Joe Biden.

  • Computer gender

    A pastor of one church who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as “she” and “her.” He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men.

  • Not the answer he was seeking

    A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial.

  • Jewish mothers

    Q: What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

  • Not deaf

    Sam Levy was driving down the road, but gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam’s car, the policeman says, “Your wife fell out the car 5 miles back.”

  • Gentle ribbing

    In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

  • Playing the long game

    There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim’s Grocery Store.

  • Noah’s Ark

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

  • First line only

    These are the 10 winners of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton contest, wherein one writes only the first line of a novel.

  • We were married

    Miss Jones, a blonde, was a not too bright girl who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms and eventually she found herself named in divorce case.

  • Be careful what you ask for

    A young woman had just purchased her dream car, a new BMW convertible, and was having trouble tuning her radio to a station she wanted.

  • Final exam — 1895

    This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 from Salina, Kansas. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smoky Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, Kansas and reprinted by the Salina Journal.