Nothing rhymes with orange

A guy at work said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”

Adult beverages

We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages … Metamucil and Ensure.

Pessimists, optimists, and realists

The pessimist complains about the wind.

I made a snowman

We received about 20 inches of snow this week. So …

Now it’s Christmas

It’s not Christmas until I see Hans Gruber fall off Nakatomi Plaza.

‘Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the White House, not a creature was sniffing, not even Jill’s spouse.

Hansel and Gretel

The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.

This is how government works

This is how government works.

The most expensive vehicle to operate

The most expensive vehicle to operate in 2023.

Stop appropriating other cultures on Halloween

The farmer is the man who feeds them all

An Kansas farmer had a piece of creek bottom land that had never been developed. It was rocks and brush, and all messed up. He cleared the underbrush and hauled away the rocks, then cultivated the soil and planted a garden with every kind of vegetable. It flourished spectacularly and he was pretty proud of what he had done.

If home security was like border security

OK, now what?

Not a very good pick-up line.

Still broken after all these years

If a mechanic took 47 years to work on your car and it was still broken, would you hire him for another four years?

Sunday School

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

Car problems

WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

The perfect couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

The ex-golfer

On a busy surgical floor the doctor stops the nurse to brief her on a patient’s condition. “This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly.”

The eagle had landed

One day there was a man who was walking through the forest and got lost. He wandered around for over a week, and was beginning to starve.

Take the poison

Man goes to see the Rabbi.